The Vicious Cycle of Avoidance & Procrastination
“If I can’t do something right, why do it at all?”
Tell me if this cycle sounds familiar:
You want to do something really well, but get totally overwhelmed by everything involved.
So you push things off to deal with later. Then “later” never comes.
Avoidance includes all those sneaky tactics we use to escape uncomfortable emotions like uncertainty, fear, and overwhelm.
We’ve all been there before, whether it’s procrastinating, withdrawing, or going into straight-up denial mode.
Perfectionism and avoidance often go hand in hand.
It’s like a never-ending loop.
Perfectionism raises the stakes, so we avoid doing things because we don’t want to mess them up. But that avoidance only feeds into the pressure of perfectionism, making the cycle stronger and harder to break.
In this article, I dive into the relationship between perfectionism and avoidance, showing how they team up to hold us back from getting things done.
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a tendency to set super high expectations for yourself.
Like expecting that you’ll be a flawless parent, reliable friend, high-performing employee, top student - maybe even all at once.
People living with perfectionism tend to be self-critical, beating themselves up for every little mistake or perceived flaw. They often question whether they’re truly “good enough.”
They worry that if they don’t do things right all the time, something bad will happen. People will judge them. They’ll be humiliated. They’ll know for sure that they’re a failure. And their whole life will fall apart.
Notice how perfectionism gets us thinking in extremes.
Perfectionism promises to help us achieve all our goals, but more often leaves us stuck, struggling to take action.
What is Avoidance?
Avoidance is a strategy that we use to dodge the things that make us feel anxious or uneasy. Instead of facing situations head-on, we find ways to escape or delay them, hoping that somehow they'll somehow disappear.
Here are a few examples of avoidance in action:
You put off replying to your friend’s text, because you really don’t want to attend their event next week
You close the door to that extra closet, because you’re overwhelmed by the mess that’s built up inside
You put off calling the bank to fix something on your account, since anything financial means *instant anxiety*
You avoid pursuing a new work opportunity, to save yourself the embarrassment of getting turned down
You hesitate to try anything new, because you don’t know whether you’ll be good at it
Here’s why avoidance is such an easy habit to fall into.
Why Do We Avoid?
We’re wired to avoid pain whenever possible. If we’re faced with something uncomfortable, our natural reaction is to escape.
Our brain goes into self-protection mode. We give ourselves an out and immediately feel better.
“Whew! Glad I don’t have to deal with that right now.”
But avoidance provides a temporary fix. It doesn’t make the problem go away.
Your closet is still full of stuff. You’re still stuck in a less-than-ideal work situation. And now your friend has texted again, expecting an answer.
Avoidance is a common response to difficult situations, but it keeps us trapped in a downward spiral.
The more we avoid something, the bigger it grows. Physically, sometimes, like that pile of undone laundry in the corner. But the task also grows mentally, becoming a bigger obstacle the more we avoid it.
So how does perfectionism feed into avoidance?
What’s the Relationship between Perfectionism and Avoidance?
Avoidance is a highly misunderstood result of perfectionism.
We typically associate perfectionism with the image of someone overworking. Putting in long hours to make sure every detail is in order. Working too much to get things *just* right.
That’s just one way perfectionism can show up. It can also send us into freeze mode, where we’re unable to take action.
Perfectionism pressures us to meet impossible standards, setting super high stakes for whatever we do. It creates fears of failure and rejection. We start thinking that if we take something on and fall short, everything will go sideways
Perfectionism convinces us that if we can’t do it ALL, we’re better off doing NOTHING.
So avoidance serves a few different functions when it comes to perfectionism.
We can escape the anxiety, stress, and uncertainty of trying to measure up to expectations. Instead, we just opt out.
We can limit mistakes and avoid feared outcomes, like failing or being judged by others.
We can delay having our worst beliefs about ourselves confirmed. Trying and failing will just provide evidence that we’re not good enough. Avoidance allows us to protect our image. We can tell ourselves that we haven’t won the game because we’re not even playing.
And we put off having perfectionism raise the stakes even further. Perfectionism can get us fearing success, because then we have even higher standards to maintain.
Procrastination as a Form of Avoidance
Procrastination involves putting off things that we’d be better served doing now.
People procrastinate for lots of different reasons. Some people thrive on the last-minute adrenaline rush of a tight deadline. Others have differences in executive functioning, like with ADHD. Procrastination can be a type of resistance, if people feel pressured to do things they don’t really want to do.
Procrastination can also be a form of avoidance. We tell ourselves that we’re eventually going to do things, just not right now.
When combined with perfectionism, procrastination allows us to hold onto the belief that we’re going to achieve certain things. We still have big goals and high ambitions.
We’re just not taking action yet. We still intend to. We just need more time or energy or information or (insert obstacle here) first.
Getting Stuck in a Vicious Cycle
So let’s acknowledge that avoidance and procrastination serve some useful functions.
At least in the short-term. We get a momentary sense of relief from whatever we’re avoiding.
But that relief doesn’t last for long. The problem is still there, and it might be getting even worse the longer we leave it unresolved.
Plus, when we avoid the bad stuff, we also shut ourselves down to the good. We may miss out on the possibilities and opportunities that come with taking action, even imperfect action.
New Course Now Available
Struggling with this cycle of avoidance? Check out my new course on procrastination
Get Things Done Not Perfect: Working Through Procrastination & Perfectionism
Learn hands-on strategies to help you move from feeling stuck to taking action
About Dr. Marnie Rogers-de Jong
My goal is to help people who feel overwhelmed by anxiety and perfectionism overcome their fears, embrace their unique strengths, and feel more content with who they are. I’m a Registered Doctoral Psychologist with a PhD in Counselling Psychology. I’m also the founder of Navigation Psychology, located in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.
Registered Psychologists in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Interested in starting counselling? Navigation Psychology offers in-person counselling in Saskatoon and virtual services across the province of Saskatchewan. We support clients dealing with a variety of concerns, including anxiety, perfectionism, depression, trauma, and relationship issues. Get started by booking a free 20-minute consultation call.
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