What is Perfectionism Costing You? How Perfectionism Can Negatively Impact 4 Key Areas of Your Life
What’s your biggest weaknesses?
Such a tricky question to answer during a job interview. You’ve got to walk a fine line between showing awareness of your flaws and looking like a poor candidate.
I helped a friend get ready for a job interview recently and checked out some advice online. The “Do’s and Don’t” for how to answer this question stood out to me, as a therapist who helps people work through perfectionism.
Did you know that it’s considered problematic to identify perfectionism as your biggest weakness during a job interview?
Perfectionism is seen as a “fake” flaw, or a strength disguised as a weakness. Something that interviewees say just to make themselves look good.
I can understand how perfectionism can seem this way on the surface.
We often associate perfectionism with positive results. After all, people who experience perfectionism are driven by a strong desire to achieve and succeed. We may be working long hours, obsessing over details, or beating ourselves up over small mistakes, but we’re aiming to get high grades, achieve promotions, or win awards.
But does perfectionism actually give us the results we want? And, if it does, at what cost?
In this article, I explore the negative consequences of perfectionism. Because while perfectionism can seem like a strength at times, it often comes with serious costs.
Mental Health
“No matter what I do, I never feel good enough”
Perfectionism has been identified as a risk factor for mental health concerns.
People who experience high levels of perfectionism are more likely to show symptoms of anxiety, OCD, eating disorders, and depression. They’re also more likely to engage in self-harm and have thoughts about suicide.
Socially-prescribed perfectionism seems especially toxic for mental health. With this type of perfectionism, people feel pressured to meet the high expectations they believe others have for them, like parents, employers, or coaches.
There’s lots we still don’t understand about the relationship between perfectionism and mental health. But some aspects of perfectionism that have been flagged in past research include difficulties letting go of our mistakes, doubting our decisions, and engaging in critical self-talk.
Check out this article to learn more about perfectionism and mental health.
Physical Health
“I’m so stressed all the time”
Perfectionism can also affect our physical health. Perhaps due to the chronic stress that often comes with pushing to meet impossibly high standards while also judging yourself as inadequate.
Perfectionism has been linked with poor sleep and frequent headaches.
One study found that people living with perfectionism showed increased blood pressure when they performed poorly on a task or received negative feedback.
Perfectionism may also be linked to increased risks for cardiovascular disease, as well as poorer recovery from chronic health issues and earlier mortality.
That’s right, perfectionism has been linked with earlier death.
Like with mental health, perfectionism that’s fueled by worries about fulfilling social expectations seems particularly problematic for our physical well-being.
Productivity and Performance
“I have to do everything perfectly”
Perfectionism can impact our productivity and performance at both school and work.
Perfectionism is growing more common among university and college students. Especially socially-prescribed perfectionism which, like I mentioned above, is motivated by living up to other peoples’ expectations. Picture a first-year college student with parents who are pushing them to pursue a competitive career like medicine.
We might assume that perfectionism will lead to high grades. But some aspects of perfectionism can actually interfere with academic performance. Like the tendency to be self-critical, react negatively to failures, and dwell on mistakes.
While the research is more limited in this area, perfectionism can also be a problem at work.
One study found that psychology professors with high perfectionism published fewer papers, with less impact on their research area.
Perfectionism can also make people less efficient when completing tasks. For example, we may be slowed down by looking for mistakes that aren’t there.
Another serious issue with perfectionism is procrastination. When we feel like we have to do a task perfectly, we can get overwhelmed and put it off for later. And the more we procrastinate, the less we’re likely to get done.
In my work with people dealing with perfectionism, I’ve noticed some other aspects that interfere with productivity, like obsessing over minor details, working excessively on one task while ignoring others, and getting stuck ruminating on past projects.
Relationships
“I don’t want to let anybody down”
Perfectionism can create challenges in our relationships, like increased conflict and decreased intimacy.
The symptoms of perfectionism that weigh on us can also impact our loved ones. It’s easy to imagine how our relationships could be strained if we’re (for example):
Dedicating all our time and energy to work instead of family and friends
Coming home tired and irritable because we’re so stressed by the demands of perfectionism
Seeking constant approval for our actions
Procrastinating on chores or household tasks because we feel overwhelmed
Reacting negatively to any feedback from loved ones
If we’re feeling pressured to live up to certain expectations, we might have difficulty opening ourselves up to others. We might even pull back from social relationships to protect ourselves from being judged or rejected.
Other-oriented perfectionism can also cause issues for relationships. With this style of perfectionism, we set unrealistic expectations for the people in our lives. Maybe we expect them to clean the house to our exacting standards, be available whenever we need them, or always say the right things. Our loved ones may experience us as overly critical or controlling, which could lead to increased conflict or disconnection.
Conclusion
While calling perfectionism your biggest weakness may be discouraged in job interviews, it’s clear that perfectionism can take a massive toll on key area of our lives.
Perfectionism often keeps us trapped with promises of success, achievement, and acceptance. But it may actually be hurting our mental and physical health, our relationships, and our performance at work or school.
Instead of assuming that perfectionism lives up to its promises, it’s important to reflect: What is perfectionism costing me?
About Dr. Marnie Rogers-de Jong
My goal is to help people who feel overwhelmed by anxiety and perfectionism overcome their fears, embrace their unique strengths, and feel more content with who they are. I’m a Registered Doctoral Psychologist with a PhD in Counselling Psychology. I offer in-person counselling in Saskatoon and video counselling across Saskatchewan and Alberta.
Learn more about counselling for perfectionism.
Free Mini Course: When is Perfectionism a Problem?
Wondering if perfectionism is an issue in your life?
Get clear on what perfectionism is, how it shows up day to day, and when it becomes a problem.
Use the video lesson and workbook to:
Understand 4 key aspects of perfectionism
Get examples of how perfectionism can impact your thoughts, feelings, and actions
Reflect on some fears people often have about giving up perfectionism