My Perfectionism Stories: Paint Chips and Perfectionism
A stack of white paint chips.
That’s what got me caught up in perfectionism recently.
Part of why I’m so passionate about sharing information on perfectionism is my own experiences with it. I’ve dealt with the high expectations, intense pressure, and rigid rules of perfectionism myself.
I’m able to manage perfectionism pretty well these days, using many of the tips and skills I talk about here.
But whenever I go through a big life change, perfectionism tends to pop up again.
I’ll be moving to a new home in a few weeks. I’m excited and grateful, and also stressed. There are so many things to do and a million decisions to make.
Like what paint colours to choose.
Who knew there were so many different shades of white paint? And that you have to consider so many variables (undertones, lighting, other fixtures) to pick the “right” shade for your space.
While I can look back now and see how minor this issue is, for a time perfectionism had me thinking this was a make-or-break decision.
Perfectionism in Action
Here’s how perfectionism showed up for me in this situation:
Setting all-or-nothing standards: “I have to pick the right paint color”
Worrying about negative outcomes: “What if we do all this work, it looks awful, and I regret my decision?”
Ruminating: Not being able to think about anything else until the decision was made
Researching compulsively: Spending too much time reading reviews and looking at pictures online, seeking that one piece of information that would put my mind at ease (but never finding it)
Seeking reassurance: Repeatedly asking other people for their opinions
Emotional distress: Feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and on edge
My Coping Strategies
And here’s the strategies I’ve used to get back on track.
Identifying triggers
I paid attention to situations that sparked perfectionism for me. Like looking at picture-perfect homes on Pinterest.
Observing my thoughts and feelings
I checked in with myself, noticing and naming my internal experiences.
For example, “I notice myself worrying about everything that could go wrong. And thinking that there’s one right decision to make. I’m feeling restless and on edge every time I look at these paint chips”
Validating difficulties
I can see now that obsessing about paint colours was unhelpful.
But it was important to acknowledge the real emotions and challenges that were underlying this issue for me.
For instance: “Change can be hard, even when it’s something positive. I tend to feel anxious whenever I’m going through a big transition.”
Using timers to set limits
I needed to spend time making decisions, but I wanted to keep things contained. When I sat down to research or make plans, I’d set a timer for 20 minutes, then encourage myself to move onto other things.
Planning other activities
The only thing I wanted to do at the time was obsess over decisions. But I knew that I would benefit from stepping away and enjoying other activities. So I was purposeful about making plans, like spending time with friends and booking a massage. I always came back with a better perspective on things.
Conclusion
My goal in sharing this story is to help people feel less alone in dealing with perfectionism. To give real examples of how perfectionism can operate. And to share my experiences with working through it.
I hope it’s beneficial!
If you’d like to learn more about when perfectionism becomes a problem, check out my mini course linked below.
About Dr. Marnie Rogers-de Jong
My goal is to help people who feel overwhelmed by anxiety and perfectionism overcome their fears, embrace their unique strengths, and feel more content with who they are. I’m a Registered Doctoral Psychologist with a PhD in Counselling Psychology. I offer in-person counselling in Saskatoon and video counselling across Saskatchewan and Alberta.
Learn more about counselling for perfectionism or anxiety.
Free Mini Course: When is Perfectionism a Problem?
Wondering if perfectionism is an issue in your life?
Get clear on what perfectionism is, how it shows up day to day, and when it becomes a problem.
Use the video lesson and workbook to:
Understand 4 key aspects of perfectionism
Get examples of how perfectionism can impact your thoughts, feelings, and actions
Reflect on some fears people often have about giving up perfectionism