How Perfectionism Impairs Decision Making: 6 Tips for Making Effective Decisions
What should I have for breakfast?
Should I take that new job?
Where should I park?
Do I want to become a parent?
We make hundreds of decisions every day, both big and small.
Making all these choices gets exhausting. There’s even a term for it - decision fatigue.
And decision making is especially hard when you’re struggling with perfectionism.
Perfectionism gets us second guessing every single choice, paralyzed with fear about making the wrong decision and messing things up forever.
In this article, I’ll explain how perfectionism interferes with decision-making and share some tips for improving your decision-making process.
What is Perfectionism?
With perfectionism, we’re constantly pushing to reach an unattainable ideal. Sometimes these are standards we set for ourselves, and sometimes they’re expectations we feel pressured to meet by others.
This pursuit of perfection often leads to self-criticism, anxiety, and overwhelm. We feel disappointed with our achievements and efforts, even when we reach the goals we’ve been working toward.
Perfectionism brings up significant fears of failure and rejection. So we often avoid taking risks and making mistakes to protect our self-image.
Research shows that perfectionism has a long list of negative side effects, including impacts on our mental health, physical health, relationships, and productivity.
One area that’s impaired by perfectionism is decision making.
Perfectionism and Decision Making
You’ve come to that proverbial fork in the road and need to choose a route. Which path are you going to take?
Perfectionism can keep us stuck at the crossroads of decision making, unable to commit to a choice because we can’t know for sure where it will lead.
Here are 7 obstacles perfectionism creates with decision making.
Setting unrealistic expectations
Perfectionism tells us that there is one correct choice in any situation. So we better choose the best option every time.
These “all-or-nothing” expectations can fuel feelings of stress and overwhelm.
Expecting worst-case scenarios
Perfectionism creates super high stakes for all our decisions. Even when that’s choosing whether to buy one home appliance or another.
With perfectionism, we assume that if we don’t make the right choice, we’ll face all kinds of horrible consequences. And we’ll only have ourselves to blame.
Understandably, it’s hard to commit to a decision when we’re terrified of the consequences.
Discomfort with uncertainty
The future is uncertain, which can be a scary idea for many of us. Perfectionism is often about trying to take control of uncertain situations.
Decision making is a leap of faith, though, where we have to commit to an option without being 100% sure of the outcome.
Perfectionism can get us delaying decisions, as we continue chasing a sense of certainty that we can’t quite reach.
Analysis paralysis
Because of this discomfort with uncertainty, people living with perfectionism often get stuck in the analysis part of decision making.
This could look like endlessly ruminating on your choices, going over every possible outcome in your head. Or spending hours researching, hoping that you’ll find that one piece of information that makes everything clear.
But often the more you analyze things, the more confused you get. And at some point, you still need to take action.
Questioning what you actually want
People living with perfectionism usually focus on what others expect from them.
We’re so used to making other people happy, that we can lose sight of our own beliefs, values, and needs.
But these factors provide crucial information for making decisions. How can we know what decision is best for us, if we don’t know what we actually want?
Looking for reassurance
Perfectionism can get us turning to other people for reassurance.
What do you think I should do? Things will turn out okay, right? Do you think I made the right choice?
Perfectionism sows seeds of self-doubt, making it difficult to trust our own decisions. Plus, it gets us wanting to secure the approval of others before moving forward.
Unfortunately, that sense of reassurance rarely lasts for long. And relying on others isn’t a sustainable way to make decisions that are truly meaningful for us.
Looking back with regret
Perfectionism frequently has us dwelling on the past, especially any perceived mistakes or regrets.
This way of thinking adds even more pressure to decision making, because we know we’ll beat ourselves up if things don’t turn out well.
With these 7 obstacles in mind, it’s no wonder perfectionism can turn decision making into a painstaking process.
Here are 7 tips for resisting perfectionism when you’re making decisions.
7 Tips for Decision Making with Perfectionism
Set realistic expectations
Approach your decisions with realistic expectations.
Uncertainty is normal when making difficult choices. You can’t predict the future. And there is rarely one right decision in any situation.
All you can do is make the most fitting choice with the information you have at the time.
Plan a reflection period
Often people get stuck in extremes when making decisions: either completely avoiding the issue or dwelling on it 24/7.
Try finding a middle ground. Set aside a specific time period to focus exclusively on the decision at hand. For example, you could dedicate 30 minutes in the evening to weighing out your options.
Outside that time period, quickly note down any thoughts you want to remember, then redirect your mind back to whatever else you’re doing. Remind yourself that you have time set aside to think things through.
Write down your thoughts
Stuck in rumination, with a million different thoughts bouncing around your head?
Try writing down what’s on your mind. Getting things on paper can help you clarify your thoughts and feelings.
Clarify your values
Spend some time reflecting on what matters to you.
What are your values? What do you care about most? What do you want to be known for?
Values can act like a compass for decision-making, helping you prioritize the options that support your idea of a meaningful life.
Here’s an activity that can help with exploring values.
Pay attention to unhelpful thoughts and stories
Notice any thoughts or stories that are sabotaging your decision-making process. For example:
Fortune telling: Assuming things will end poorly
Catastrophizing: Fearing worst-case scenarios
All or nothing: Thinking there’s one right choice, and anything else will be a complete failure
Mind reading: Worrying about what other people will think of your decision
Fears and worries can cloud your decision making. They often get you focused more on avoiding dangers than pursuing what actually matters to you.
Read back over your written reflections, watching out for places where fear may be getting in the way.
Act “as if”
Play around with this thought experiment.
For a period of time, tell yourself that you’re committed to one decision. Go on with your day acting “as if” that choice is made.
Notice what the experience is like for you. What kinds of emotions do you have? How do you feel in your body? What is your mind telling you?
Then repeat the experiment, acting as if you’ve chosen another option.
This exercise can provide interesting information, depending on how each decision feels when you act as if it’s already made.
Work on tolerating uncertainty
One of the most powerful practices for decision making is getting more comfortable living with doubt and uncertainty.
Really, there’s no way to know how things will turn out. No matter how much time, energy, and analysis you put into making the “right” decision.
Pay attention to times when you’re trying to take control of a situation or guarantee certainty.
Pause and observe what you’re doing. Take some deep breaths and check in with your body. Let those feelings be there without acting on them.
Sometimes we actually need to slow things down, instead of rushing to make a decision just to eliminate uncertainty.
Registered Psychologists in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Interested in starting counselling? Navigation Psychology offers in-person counselling in Saskatoon and virtual services across the province of Saskatchewan. We support clients dealing with a variety of concerns, including anxiety, perfectionism, depression, trauma, and relationship issues. Get started by booking a free 20-minute consultation call.
Free Mini Course: When is Perfectionism a Problem?
Wondering if perfectionism is an issue in your life?
Get clear on what perfectionism is, how it shows up day to day, and when it becomes a problem.
Use the video lesson and workbook to:
Understand 4 key aspects of perfectionism
Get examples of how perfectionism can impact your thoughts, feelings, and actions
Reflect on some fears people often have about giving up perfectionism
About Dr. Marnie Rogers-de Jong
My goal is to help people who feel overwhelmed by anxiety and perfectionism overcome their fears, embrace their unique strengths, and feel more content with who they are. I’m a Registered Doctoral Psychologist with a PhD in Counselling Psychology. I’m also the founder of Navigation Psychology, located in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.
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