Book Review: “The Compassionate-Mind Guide to Recovering from Trauma and PTSD”
I’d recommend this book to anyone looking to better understand trauma. The authors, Deborah A. Lee and Sophie James, explain the common mental and physical effects in an approachable and easy-to-read manner.
I thought they did a great job explaining flashbacks and dissociation, which can be (understandably) scary experiences for many people. When someone has a flashback, they feel like they’re reliving past events they’d rather forget. It’s like they’re experiencing the sights, sounds, and sensations all over again.
With dissociation, a person feels disconnected from their experiences. They may feel numb and detached, like they’ve lost time without knowing what happened, or like they’re watching themselves from outside their body.
Lee and James write about how people often unfairly blame themselves for the horrible things they’ve been through. Many survivors assume that they must have deserved what happened to them in some way. For example, people who have escaped abusive relationships might believe that they could have done more to make their partner happy or to keep the peace. Or that they should have recognized the warning signs of violence earlier.
Lee and James suggest that self-blame can add to the negative effects of trauma by feeding into feelings of shame and guilt. They also propose that practicing self-compassion can encourage healing. It’s important for survivors to understand that they’re not to blame for what they’ve been through. That what happened to them was unfair and undeserved.
The authors describe self-compassion as a stance that involves giving oneself acceptance and understanding, learning how to tolerate difficult emotions, and making conscious decisions about how to move forward.
“Giving up blaming ourselves is crucial to our being able to move forward in our lives and to begin to heal ourselves from our trauma. This, however, does not mean that we simply let ourselves off the hook or fail to take responsibility for how we treat ourselves and others. It’s quite the opposite, as we need to find a way to stop shaming, blaming, and criticizing ourselves for the things we have done, or the things that have happened to us in the past. This can mean we need to put ourselves on the hook and take stock of what we fear by facing our past, looking at our present, and choosing our future. We cannot change a single moment that has gone before, but we can change the moment to come” (p. 74-75)
In the second half of the book, Lee and James suggest exercises for encouraging self-compassion. They provide over 20 activities for readers to try. They also include stories and examples to show these strategies in action.
I really liked the worksheet inviting readers to think about how their best efforts to keep themselves safe can have unintended consequences. For example, keeping your guard up around others can make it hard for you to build close relationships with new people. You may feel safe but also lonely. It can be helpful for survivors to acknowledge the skills they used to protect themselves in the past, and consider whether they’re holding them back now.
I also liked the activity on getting to know one’s inner bully. Some people live with a voice inside them that constantly points out everything they’re doing wrong. That tries to convince them, day in and day out, that they’re worthless, unlovable, or weak. Understanding that bully is an important step toward pushing back against it. And toward coming up with more compassionate inner dialogues that highlight their strengths and successes instead of just their flaws.
Overall, this book offers a great introduction to trauma. I think readers will come away with a better understanding of these experiences as well as some practical ideas for next steps.
Keep in mind that self-help books don’t replace the services of a qualified mental health professional, like a psychologist, social worker, or counsellor. But they can provide some helpful information for those who aren’t able to access counselling right now. Or for those who are looking for just a few quick tips to improve their well-being.
About Marnie Rogers-de Jong
I’m a Registered Doctoral Psychologist in Saskatchewan. I have experience helping people deal with and overcome the common effects of trauma, which can include distressing memories, avoiding reminders of the past, negative self-talk, and problems in relationships. Click here to read more about how I work with trauma in counselling. I offer in-person sessions in Saskatoon and video counselling across the province.